hexywitch | Charm ☼ 001 [text]

Charm ☼ 001 [text]

This is a terrible way to be officially making my first public post on this network, but...I'm going crazy sitting around the house, and I need something to distract me from everything. I'm not sure that this will help, but it's worth a try, at least.

Sirius died a few days ago. I'm...I'm sure there are people here who know him who...I don't know. I'd want to know. I've been told that people come back but...

I don't want to talk about Sirius. I don't want to talk about the fish. I don't want to talk about how everyone is. The rest of us are alive, and. That's that best we've got for now.

...and I forgot the whole point of this, which was to introduce myself. Hello, Vatheon. My name is Lily. I wish we were meeting under different circumstances.

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[Lily almost winces when Claire shows up on the SFC. It's not that she didn't want to see the other girl, it's just that she doesn't particularly want to see anyone right now. She keeps hers just on voice. She's sure that she looks a right mess. Plus the fact that Claire really hadn't been welcomed into the Marauder house. Of course, the circumstances were very unique, but Lily still felt guilty that she hadn't come to save Claire herself, and that she didn't stand up for her when James lashed out.]

[She clears her throat before speaking, not trusting her words to come out clearly.]

I'm still not ready to go out. There are still a few stragglers.

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[Lily sighs heavily.]

Please. You don't have to apologise. You didn't do anything wrong. Things happen.

[It sounds a bit like she's trying to convince herself of those things as well.]

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[Lily just shakes her head before remembering that it's just voice.]

I'm all right. I'm more worried about James and Remus. They were much closer to him than I was. And...I don't particularly want to talk about it right now. But I'll keep that in mind.

Who did you lose?

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...I keep forgetting that these things are public. But...can we maybe talk about it later? I really do appreciate that you can empathize, but...I just. I want to talk about something else. Anything else.

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[Lily sighs, lying down on her bed with the SFC beside her. This is what she needed. Mindless girltalk.]

How does one teach a dog a trick?

[But then a vision of Sirius as Padfoot pops into her head, Remus trying to get him to roll over and her eyes fill with tears again. She covers her mouth so that Claire won't hear her strangled sob.]

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[Lily tries to swallow the tears, but it's a long few moments before she tries to speak again, her voice thick with tears.]

He's a very sweet dog.

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[Lies. Lily is her friend.]

What other tricks does he know?

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[Lily can't help the small smile the quirks her lips, although Claire can't see it.]

That's adorable.

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I'd love to see it. [She takes a deep breath. She can do this. She can pull herself together and act like a normal human being. Act like nothing is wrong. That Sirius isn't...]

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Well, I've never seen a show dog perform before, so no matter what it'll be a treat.

Dead? [She just said it so... bluntly. There's a beat of silence in which he looks a bit uncomfortable, and then Axel just shakes his head.] Ah... sorry to hear that, Lily. [And he hesitates a moment, then opens his mouth like he's going to say something else, then averts his eyes and is silent instead. He's no good at this, and he's still just not really sure how to talk to girls anyway hurr.]

[Lily had been avoiding video because she's been crying and looks a fright, but video is easier than talking at the moment, as her voice is still thick with tears. She just nods and takes a deep breath. He deserves an explanation.]

[He just frowns at her a moment, then glances away again. He never knows what to do when girls cry.]

He'll be missed.

[She wipes her face, embarrassed at being seen in such a vulnerable moment, his reaction clearly showing his discomfort. But she still feels as though she needs to explain. To admit her guilt.]

...they went to save Claire. I was going to go, but James wouldn't let me. He said he'd go, and I told him he had to take someone with him. He had to take Sirius.

[Her lower lip trembles, but she manages to keep from crying.]

[Axel absorbs this, and doesn't bother to trouble himself wondering if this could have been avoided had he gone to investigate Claire's situation rather than believing her when she said things were under control. There's no point in dwelling on what-ifs. He's not even sure why it matters to him--it's not like he knew Sirius well.

[He frowns.]

It sounds like he went down doing something he believed in, at least. [Small victories...]

[She laughs, but there's not much humor in it.]

He died rescuing a fair maiden from peril.

[She shakes her head.]

That doesn't make it hurt any less.

Pain is one of those things that never really sucks any less, no matter how used to it you might get. It never doesn't hurt.

I'm no good at consolation, but ah... well, Sirius was kinda my friend too, so I get it. [He'd say he knows how you feel, but... no heart. Yay semantics.]

[She sighs again and nods.]

I suppose it will just take time.

Yes. It is. Thank you, Rhode.

How did you fare during the attacks?

I'm glad you're all right. Did anybody get hurt?

That's good. I'd heard people were getting hurt, so...you were lucky, Rhode.

Karkat told me they came from a hole in the ground where a church collapsed.

Edited 2011-08-23 23:24 (UTC)

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